i wish it could change

after visiting so many blogs, i found there's something missing in my blog. Everyone can find new friends and created their own gang but i just can feel that my gang is still the same. Is just few of us. Those who join us is just because of assignment or other reasons. Is it because we can't really communicate with them or they're hard to communicate with us? There's so much different compare to secondary and college life. I just don't know why. Last time when i'm in secondary, i use to make a lot of friends when i'm in form 2 but everything change when i'm in form 5. Form 2 life was fun, new friends. Everyday , we go to tuition together and is in a big gang. It was so fun. I love the moment we skip our classes and waste our time in parade or some cafe. I use to be very active in St.John and i join every activities that they organize. No matter my parents allow or don't , i just want to join it so they must allow me to do so. I think everything change since i started to get along with my first love. He capture my soul and spirit. He just dump it to somewhere else and everything started to change when i'm in form 5. I lost my sense to control my love problem well. I can't really maintain the relationship or make it to be stable. Unactive member is what i started to be. I doesn't want the pose that they offer to me when i'm in form 4 but i took it in form 5 is just because of the marks. In form 5 is where i started to learn bad. I regret on what i had done. If i did not went it for the first time, i won't get addicted to it and won't become more worst. Started to do the stuff that might hurt myself. There's no return when it begins. Just have to continue my life and will this continue or it can change?? I hope it can change but there's something that i don't get it. I can communicate well last time but why not for now? Everyone said that i'm cool or lc or whatever cause i don't really have topic to talk to them and i don't even know how to start it. That's the reason why i don't really want to go out with those who don't really talk cause for sure it will be a bored date among us. Lots of friends, change to few of them only. What i mean is best friends or you known it as close friends. Haix. Wishing that everything can turn back to be normal. I really don't it to be like this. I'm suffering every moment cause i lost all my emotions.