A curse

It had been like a curse. The same thing will happen every year. Every year when it was my birthday or around my birthday there will be unhappy things happen. My tears must fall in the month of January. Then it makes me feel that my birthday was is like those normal days. This year, I wish that he was here when the clock strike twelve but i know that it will not happen due to some reason which serious cannot escape. I don't put the blame on him but i blame myself for knowing it will not come true then i still want it as a wish. It really makes me hurt a lot. My heart feels like get stab and when i tell lies, it stabs me more. I dislike this feeling. As usual, i celebrate my birthday at night alone with beers and games while the songs is playing. I wonder when will this curse end and i do not need to repeat this kind of celebrations. Anyway, is CHINESE NEW YEAR and i should be happy about it. Angpau  ^^