Where can i find the person?

When I'm back to this blogspot, either it shows that I'm happy or unhappy or frustrate. For now, I feel that I'm lonely. Although people sees that I have lots of friends but I asked myself "Do I really have someone who I can share everything with? The only one belongs to me" I think the answer is no because I have not found one yet. Sometimes, I do really need someone who I can really speaks everything out but unfortunately this person has become my boyfriend. So now how can I talk to him when I'm having some secretly issue? Being in the teens stage is really making people to grow and experience more in their life.

Everytime when I'm having out with a bunch of friends but i don't really feel secure at all. Instead of talking to them naturally, I speaks thing when I'm related. How weird it is. Last time i do speaks friendly to everyone but i just don't know why i can't do it this way for now. I'm afraid that people will say i'm trying to get into the group when i'm not and just want to hang around. So i rather keep quiet. I always think that if i can afford to get things by my own, then i do not need to face all these? Ahh, just sleep earlier and dream about it because i'm the one who choose this path without calculating and predicting the right way. Well well, i will not re-step on this way again. I'm gonna do everything by myself without relying on people for the coming up stage so i do not need to have these kind of feeling. 

In this page, i did not mean anything to anyone because i'm just lack of self-esteem to be around with the great one. I appreciate to be friends with you all but i really do feel uncomfortable because i'm relying too much on people and did not figure out ways to do things by myself. So, i just feel i'm troublesome or something else and i had few friends who i can really talk to is gone as well. Although they did talk back to me but i just feel that there's still a piece of glass is gone after it is broken and fixed. I'm sorry to speak things out like this. Hope life can move on and be better.