I need Help

It had been hours, days, weeks, months, and years that i was wondering whether is there something i had done wrongly all the time? Why i'm like losing everyone of them one by one? I'm belongs to no one that is worth in this world except for him, my boyfriend. He is the one who brings me up when i'm fall deep into the dark sight.

Looking back at the letters from my friends that just know each other for days. They treat me like someone important although we just know each other for few days through camps. They sent me greetings during festivals through cards, birthday present that i was surprised to receive. Those happy moments is like i have everyone that i need in my life. Everyday, i woke up with smile cause we are texting with each other as we are important to everyone that is from the same group. I love those feeling that happen and it was so true. It touched deep to the bottom of my heart.  Hard core them a lot <3 p="p">
Now, although i have a bunch of friends who cheer me up and get along with me but still, i can't feel the same like the past friends. Maybe people grow up and started to treat people differently as in mature way (: Thanks to them, my life is not miserable and dark. They do coloured up my life. When i'm with them, i feel like i'm a drawing paper and they are the colour pencil who change the blank paper into wonderful paper. Great to have them during my upper level of college.

Everytime, i have friends but i just think too much. Everything that i do, i have to care about their feelings because i'm afraid to lose them. There are people that i had let them leave me without stopping them. I just sat quietly and look at them go away. I regretted, eventhough now i catch them back, i don't think it will be the same anymore. I'm stuck with the memories that is negative although there is positive also. The negative part of them became the main piece that appears in my mind. How i wish i can just get some ways to forget it.

If now people ask me who is my best friend and who are the one who i can tell everything including secret, i can say no one. I don't know why am i being like this, not being sociable at all. Maybe people is treating me good but in my heart, i can say they're just treating me good cause they need something from me or i'm still useful to them. GOSH! I should not think like this but this is what i am doing everyday. Every time when i think in that way, i'm just increasing my negative mind which is gonna drag me to become mad.

p/s : I really need someone to help me out from these thoughts.